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The ancient Mayan calendar foretells a celestial anomaly: a rare alignment of stars set to occur in the year 2012. Too bad they got the date wrong, 'cause The Benchwarmers opens today!!

No one can deny the combined star power of Rob Schneider, David Spade and the great Jon Heder. Schneider alone has a list of film credits that any wannabe actor like Brando or Nicholson would kill for — Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo and Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo in one lifetime? Mr. Schneider, we stand in awe of your genius.

David "Dickie Roberts" Spade is a brilliant and totally
unexpected choice to co-star, bringing to every role he plays the uncanny ability to seem like he's phoning it all in. Combine this with the amazing range of Jon Heder — he played a quirky teen in Napoleon Dynamite then a quirky slacker in Just Like Heaven — and you've got a recipe for box office magic.

In my dreams I imagine how the film begins:

Heder: "Wow, we really suck at baseball."
Schneider: "Come on guys — let's show them that we don't!"
Spade: "Yeah, that'll kill a couple of hours..."

And today, my dreams have finally come true!

Years from now, film professors will speak of this day and how it forever changed the course of cinema. But you and I, we have the rare opportunity to witness this moment in history for ourselves. Don't squander it...