iLaugh.com

Unless you’ve been living under a rock without a wireless Internet connection for the last few hours, you’re well aware of Britney Spears’ head-shaving extravaganza. WHY this is major enough news for us all to be so well aware of it is far beyond me. Nevertheless, I’m going to venture a guess as to Britney’s motives. I’m a big fan of lists ever since Schindler made them cool again, so let’s proceed as follows:

1) Britney is expected to play the lead role in V for Vendetta 2. Other potential titles include: 2 Vendetta 2 Furious, 2 Vendetta 2 Quit, Look Who’s Vendetting Too and W for Wendetta.

2) Ms. Spears has qualified for the Summer Olympics and has vowed to bring home the gold in all four swimming events in which she is competing. Hair would just slow her down.

3) This is the first stage of Britney’s childhood regression. The next step? Removing her breast implants (and possibly her breasts).

4) The curtains now match the carpet. And with a carpet as oft-exposed as Brit’s, coordination is everything.

5) Britney is now a death-row inmate. Nobody’s sure what she did. But I can assure you, it was bad.

6) After years of suspiciously racialist lyrics, the truth has finally come out: Britney Spears is a neo-Nazi. Watch carefully over the next little while as she starts to wear Doc Martins, suspenders, bomber jackets and khaki pants. She might have to renounce the whole Kabbalah thing, though.

7) Lice.

8) Gum.

9) Bats.

10) Cancer.

There. Now stop obsessing over the hairstyle of some bitch you’ve never met. Retards.