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CBS is at it again! The network that brought you “Decreasingly Attractive People Stranded on an Island with Nothing to Do But Talk About Food They Don’t Have” (Survivor) and “People That Couldn’t Make It On To “Decreasingly Attractive People Stranded on an Island with Nothing to Do But Talk About Food They Don’t Have” But Settled for Being Stuck in a House Full of Cameras With No Activities of Any Kind” (Big Brother) is now the center of controversy yet again over their upcoming series “A Bunch of Kids Are Forced to Live Out “The Lord of the Flies” And Filming Won’t Stop Until They Kill Piggy” also known as “Kid Nation“.

According to this article from ABC news (direct competitor of CBS…) the children were stripped from their parents and, for 40 days, worked to build their own society, free of adult influence and free of many modern-day luxuries. Ok maybe “stripped from their parents” is a bit dramatic. In reality, the parents gave their children away to television producers with the hopes that the little tykes could finally give something back to the mother and father that brought them into this world and supported them for a whopping 8 years.

The controversy over this whole situation revolves around the violation of child labor laws. The children worked from sunup to sundown over the month and a half to prepare their perfect, adult-free society. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure which position to take on this whole issue. As a child near the ages of the “contestants”, I’m absolutely certain that I would’ve enjoyed any opportunity to be a part of something so adventurous. After I saw Goonies I made sure everyone called me “Mikee” and I bought a jacket with all kinds of zippers just like Sean Astin. On the other hand, reports that “four children had accidentally “drank bleach” while one was “burned in her face with hot grease.”" have me second guessing myself…

In honor of Greaseface and the Whitethroats, I give to you now this list of the top 5 reality show injuries/bloopers. Not being a particularly fanatic reality TV show watcher, this list will be fabricated either in part or in whole. Haven’t decided which yet.

#5 - Jen from Big Brother 8 loses her bikini top - I haven’t watched Big Brother since season 2 with that doctor who really didn’t need the money but wanted to buy jetskis for his friends (I love that guy). Whether or not I watch a show, I find out one way or another when a girl snaps her swimsuit. This is no exception. Enough babbling, here’s the clip: BIKINI!

#4 - Michael Falls Asleep in a Fire on Survivor - This one was quite a while ago. Far enough back that I was still interested in these types of shows. Michael was perhaps the strongest contender to win that season due to his supposed skills of survival and knowledge of nature. These suppositions were speedily debunked when Captain Shitforbrains fell asleep a little too close to the fire and burned his hands to the point where they could no longer be distinguished from Dame Judy Dench’s vaginal tent flaps. Shortsighted CBS selfishly airlifted the douchebag to a hospital before the other contestants could nail the melted-cheese-pizza-skin to a tree and use it for shelter.

#3 - Ivan the Urban Action Figure Lands on His Head - This incident took place on America’s Got Talent which I would’ve put in the headline had there been room. I also almost wrote “Ivan the Urban Action Figure Gets a Stiffy” which you’ll understand as soon as you watch this: Nice landing, Flight 93!

#2 - Nick Lachey Does NOT Beat Jessica Simpson - Anyone that watched even a few moments of Newlyweds is well aware of Jessica Simpson’s intellectual prowess and generally desirable qualities extending well beyond her looks alone. What I sincerely doubt anybody was able to comprehend following their brief viewing experience is how on Earth the sexy, charming, Adonis with the voice of an angel and pecs that rival the firmness of bowling balls (did I just trip over the heterosexual line?) could put up with her incessant blubbering and pea-brained observations. I’m pretty sure even the rest of the inhabitants of Jessica’s hometown, Retardville, could distinguish between fish and chicken. Your will is strong Mr. Lachey. Godspeed.

#1 - Miss Teen USA South Carolina Ruptures Her Brain - I imagine by now there isn’t a single one of you out there with Internet access that hasn’t seen this one. I’m pretty sure the only living soul who understood a word of what she said up there was George W. Bush himself. Never in the history of television or any other form of popular culture has the phrase “At least she’s hot” been uttered so frequently in unison around the globe. I’m sure even citizens of “the Iraq” and “the South Africa” had a good laugh over this dimwitted sexpot.

This blog has taken me far too long to write so I’m just gonna stop. Draw your own conclusions.