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According to an article on MSNBC, KFC is adding a new item to its menu. The ever elusive fish sandwich! Leave it to Col. Sanders (Lt. Mookman’s commanding officer) to take the game one step further and march right into the front lines of Vatican City, demanding that the Pope himself bless his meaty new chunk of deliciousness.

For the ignorant heathens who don’t understand the connection between His Holiness and a stinky water-beast on a bun, the 40-day binge of Catholicism we call “Lent” is now upon us. During Lent, abiding Catholics are supposed to abstain from eating red meat. Since fish are not red, the poor slippery bastards are fair game for Jesus-loving jaws.

I propose a petition against the slaughter of innocent fishies for the purposes of lowering the cholesterol and sin levels of devout Catholics. The torturous process through which these fish are fried and sandwiched is cruel beyond even the standards set by the Catholics during the Crusades. I, however, will not be signing this petition, as I am looking forward to sampling this new Kentucky fishwich. But I strongly suggest that all of you make up for my moral ineptitude.

On another note…how many sandwiches would this proposal require the Pope to bless? If Jesus really DOES teach the Pope all of his neat tricks like I imagine, then Benedict XVI (or Benny 16 as I call him) should really only have to bless one fish and spread it out across the nation much like the Last Supper. As a matter of fact, KFC should offer a “Last Supper Combo” which you can share with 12 of your closest disciples.

Does Benny honestly have nothing of a more pressing nature to attend to than fishburgers? There’s already a separation of Church and State; are we now going to need church to be separated from greasy fast-food joints? Without it, will we start to see grace written on the packaging of Big Macs? Or maybe the deep-fried Body of Christ?

Alright, I really have nothing else to say and I think that’s probably enough blasphemy for one blog. Blogsphemy? Whatever.