iLaugh.com

Since its recent Academy award win (and for quite a while before that), Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth has garnered a lot of attention from a variety of sources. The man now known as “The Goracle” has a higher approval rating than he ever did while running for president and is looked upon as a champion for the rights of Mother Earth. Guys want to be him and girls want to be with him. He’s even got Leo DiCaprio in his entourage!

That’s all well and good, but here is my concern. Aside from the very proactive ideas about how to save the world from literally melting, didn’t anybody else notice the shockingly torturous instructions for murder in the film?!

Midway through the Oscar-winning picture, Al uses a metaphor about frogs in hot water to show the ignorant people of the world that only he, AL GORE can save us! Either that or it’s not a metaphor and we are, in fact, the Beaker-Babies of the ex-future-president of America. An inconvenient truth indeed…

For those of you that have not yet seen the movie, allow me to impart Mr. Gore’s methods to you.

Ingredients and items needed:

1 Live frog with its whole slippery life ahead of it

1 Large beaker (taller than leaping ability of frog)

Water

Stove

Directions:

Fill beaker to the top with lukewarm water

Place frog in beaker

Put beaker on stove element

Slowly begin increasing water temperature

Position frog’s family in plain view of the beaker

Tape the eyelids of frogs children open (assuming frogs have eyelids…)

Allow a moment for eye contact and distraught, helpless looks

Increase temperature to boil

Arrange for melted-frog funeral

Basically, what I’m getting at is that in the midst of a movie intended to be positive in motives, youngsters have inadvertently been taught a hip new way to kill small animals. What exactly does Al Gore have against frogs? To stir up a vendetta with such bloodlust, there must have been a horrible occurrence of immeasurable magnitude in Gore’s past. Maybe a bout of food poisoning after some bad frogs’ legs? Maybe his parents were actually frogs and they beat him mercilessly. Or maybe…just maybe…Gore fell in love with a “frog princess” and had his heart broken when a kiss turned her into a real live woman.

Holy shit that’s stupid.