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...so that's it? That's really all there is? Is this great opportunity really going to waste? Say it ain't so! I'm talking, of course, about the Donald Trump/Rosie O'Donnell feud.

For the newcomers out there, it all started when Rosie blasted Trump for forgiving Miss USA of her crack-fueled night of drunken lesbianism with her fellow beauty queens. Now, I'd have thought lesbianism was something both Rosie and I could get behind, but evidently not.

"The Donald" was quick to shoot back, something along the lines of Rosie being a fat, ugly cow with a trucker's vocabulary and a pathetic loser unfit to breathe the air of the rest of us human beings who actually have souls. He then announced he was suing her for being rude.

Oh, it was all coming together: a Battle of the Blowhards for the ages! Two media whores ready to be pimped out on network TV nonstop for months to come! Now, I know for most people it would have been like watching your nuts battle between syphilis and testicular cancer — no matter which wins, you lose. But I for one was looking forward to it.

Let me rephrase that: I was looking forward to it the same way I look forward to the explosive diarrhea and vomiting I get from contracting stomach flu. Sure, I know it's gonna suck hard, but it's the only way to get the shit out of you. That's what this feud could've been: A violent purging that would've finally heaved out these two nauseants infecting our lives throughout the past decades.

This would've been such a fierce battle of supersaturation and endless crazy talk that people would finally stand up and say, "Enough is ENOUGH! Get RID of this two!" Imagine, no more Apprentice, the end of The View and the death of lame, poorly made musical adaptations based on Dr. Seuss! No more watching a puffy-faced, toupeed jackass dragging out his latest trophy wife to appear on the cover of Vogue once a month! An apocalyptic struggle between these two putzes would've caused them to self-destruct faster than Tom Cruise in a starring role in Battleship Earth II, and finally put an end to their inexplicable showbiz careers.

But you might tell me, "Oh, Blue Teabag, Trump isn't an actor, he's a businessman." And I would have to tell you, "Shut up! The Apprentice is all he's got! Have you seen his financial records? Name one project this guy's touched that hasn't turned to shit! Trump's been bankrupt more times then I have, and I don't even have a job!" And if you say, "But Rosie isn't an actor..." Well, I would have to agree with you there. (I could also be persuaded that she is not a woman, either.)

This is a wasted opportunity. Instead of crapping, puking and otherwise dispelling these two creeps, we're still stuck with them and left feeling nauseous. We can only hope that these attention junkies start jonesing for another fix at the spotlight and start up their feud again — and this time, finish the damn job!