iLaugh.com

The internet is destroying news. If a story is over three hours old in the electronic age, it's no longer news. Worse yet, with specialized search engines and category-related news sites, people only see the news that directly interests them.

I'm out here searching the web twenty-four seven, looking for the newest news possible in the hopes it will appeal to more then ten people. But it's hopeless. Just when I finish a great blog on the crazy astronaut chick in diapers, Anna Nicole up and dies, making my old blog yesterday's news.

Frankly, I'm getting sick of it! But I think I've come up with a way to provide you, the reader, with the latest news possible about stories that affect your life. Here goes:

Today, Blue Teabag made an announcement on his iLaugh.com weblog issuing a warning to you — the reader. "I will get you!" he bellowed madly. "I will hunt you down and make you pay! Die! Die, I say!!"

When asked what it was you did, Teabag only replied that you know what you did, and that you shouldn't act all innocent. Teabag then proceeded to explain what it is he will do when he gets his hands on you.

"You ever see any those Saw movies?" Teabag asked. "Yeah, well that's going to look like a day at the spa compared to what I'm going to do to you next!"

The rest of Teabag's threats were too graphic for publishing, but suffice to say it involved a funnel, broken glass and large rubber tubes.

Authorities say Teabag's threats should be taken seriously. iLaugh.com has surprisingly lax security and Teabag could easily download a visitor's IP address and find out all their personal information. It is quite possible that Teabag is on a bus headed to your home right now. He will keep you posted as the story progresses.

There. A hard-hitting news story delivered before anyone else got it and, I'd like to think, tailored perfectly for your interests. I mean, when was the last time another blog warned you about a potential psychopath stealing your information and using it to hunt you down? Only at iLaugh baby!